*sigh* I am so upset. It's all I can think about today and I keep turning it over and over in my head. Where did I go wrong? I KNOW all the stuff I'm supposed to do. I've been doing what needs to be done. So why is Matthew having so much trouble??
Yesterday I got the dreaded note from the teacher. Matthew has been pushing and kicking at recess. Kids have been hurt. He's ignored teachers who were talking to him about his behaviour. Please go over "Hands Off policy" at home. Oh no.
This isn't Matthew's first note and unfortuantely it likely won't be his last. I was livid reading it. We are constantly telling him he needs to keep his hands and feet to himself. We've never stopped. Matthew has a bad habit of become ABSORBED in play to where rational thought and possible consequences do not even enter his mind. He needs constant reminders to THINK before doing and even speaking. But I can't always be there with the reminders. No one can. Matthew has to do that on his own but I'm at a loss as to how to get him there.
Quick story: In the summer I signed Matt up for a summer day camp which he's always wanted to do and I thought he would love. The first day there the councillors tell me he tried to walk home. We don't even live close. Brought Matt home where he wasn't allowed to go out and play or watch tv all evening. We talked and talked about how he cannot walk home and he needs to listen to the councillors. Next day, he fights with someone. Repeat consequences from previous night. Next day he attempts to walk home again. WHAT THE HELL???? Camp was a week of consequences and not the fun it should have been. I did ask him why he was acting like this and his response was because he didn't like get out when they played games. Not a good excuse. I kept taking him back because I didn't want him to think he could get his way and get out of something he didn't like with behaviour like that.
So you see we have been dealing with his behaviour for some time now. I don't want Matt to be "that kid". You know the kid who says the silly things in class to get the other kids laughing and the kid who is constantly in detention because they can't keep their hands off other kids. I deal with kids like that all day long. I just want to cry because I don't want that for Mathew.
So I'm going to propose we set up a behaviour modification system for Matthew. I'm hoping his teacher will get on board with it because I can't let this behaviour continue to worsen. We've talked constantly at home and it doesn't seem to make a difference. I've consequenced until the poor kid has nothing to do but stare at walls. That's not a life. Time to switch gears.
Things have been very different for Matt since Gillian's arrival. I know I'm partly to blame because I haven't spent as much time as I used to with him. Maybe he's missing that time and acting out in other ways to get attention he craves?? So okay, I'm going to give the teacher a communication book and all she has to do is record how Matthew did for the 4 quarters of the day giving him a star for every quarter he was good. If he gets 3 or 4 stars we will play a game of his choosing in the evening. If he gets less than 3 then no game.
I hope this works.
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6 comments:
I so sorry you are having troubles. I am having troubles with a 2 yr old. I can't imagine with an older child. And you are right, you can't be there with him 24/7. How do you teach them the skills they need? I hope the teacher is willing to work with you. How frustrating.
Oh man Junie. That stinks. I wish I knew what to tell you to help, but I am clueless. I know my time is coming though.
I too hope the teacher is willing to work with yall and that the communication book system is the answer.
Good Luck!!
Oh Junie, I feel your pain. Seriously, I do. I know you and I have discussed this before, but your Matthew is so very similar to my Taylor. I cannot tell you how many notes I've gotten home over the years that read a lot like yours did. All I can say is hang in there, it's NOT you. Be consistent and continue to show you are there for him. It has to click sometime (((Hugs))) momma!
Junie, I know that must be so difficult to deal with. I have no good advice, but I just wanted to give you my support. I think your new system sounds like a good idea and I hope it works well!
I hope it works. Nathan responds will to loss of privilege the best, but all kids are different and they change all the time, too! It is too tricky! LOL!
Oh, and something I have him do is write apology letters when he gets in trouble. Like he didn't listen well one day last week, so he had to write the teacher saying he was sorry and he would try harder the next day. If he hurt another child, I think I'd have him do the same thing, so he was acknowledging that his choices affected someone else.
To make you feel better, last year at pick up time (when the whole school was out there, teachers and principal) Nathan JUMPED a kid for pretending to be SharkBoy, because the boy did not have spiky hair. Evidently that is an offense that deserves a good pummeling. LOL. Kids are crazy.
I'm sorry this is going on, Junie. You sound like you've got a great plan in place, I hope it does the trick. And I'm tucking it away for potential future use.
GOod luck!
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